In Kashmir, a region that is known for its distinctive cultural, social, and religious customs, marriage is not just a union of two people or two families but goes well beyond that as it has rich symbolic significance. Despite its importance in a collectivistic culture such as ours, there is a growing concern regarding a shift in the trend, especially in the recent few years, with regards to the age at which people marry. This shift can have a myriad of reasons, from money and job issues to personal choices and it can affect an individual at psychological level, especially women, in a society where marriage is traditionally seen as a foundation of adulthood and stability.
Reasons for Delayed Marriages in Kashmir
- Economic Instability and Unemployment
In the past many decades, the turbulent political situation in Kashmir, along with the availability of only a handful of economic opportunities, has made youth feel financially insecure. Since marriage in our culture like many other cultures around the world involves significant expenses, including dowry practices, ceremonies, and post-marital responsibilities, thus marriage becomes a very difficult thing to manage without stable and secure employment. It results in men and women alike postponing their marriage until they become financially independent, which is hard to come by for most.
- Educational Aspirations and Career Goals
Another important reason for delayed marriages is that people, especially youth, have started to give education too much importance. Nowadays, many young people, both male and female, put off getting married so that they complete their studies or follow their career/professional goals. In fact, this emphasis on education and professional goals may lead to the further postponement of marital plans and preparations. Women in particular may find it more challenging to deal with this focus on studies and career aspirations since they wish to achieve their goals while also fitting in with society’s expectations.
- Social Expectations and Marital Pressure
In Kashmir, traditional marriage customs necessitate complex demands from both families. Arranged marriage is still the norm in Kashmir, and families in such cases look for ideal matches based on caste, financial standing, and other factors. The marriages in such cases can get delayed, especially when families are too choosy. One more factor that might contribute to the delay in marriage is related to the growing demand for dowries from the bride’s family, despite efforts to eliminate such practices.
- Changing Social Attitudes and Preferences
People’s views and attitude towards marriage and relationships is also changing slowly. Young people, especially women, are getting more conscious of what they want and prefer for themselves if they decide to get married. Rather than rushing into marriage just to satisfy societal expectations, they are more and more looking for partners who seem compatible to them and with whom they can share a meaningful and productive relationship.
Psychological Impact on Women Remaining Single
Remaining single or delaying marriage in order to pursue education or career aspirations might be beneficial but it might adversely impact the psychological wellbeing of such women as marriage is still considered to be an important part of life in societies such as Kashmir. In societies such as ours, severe emotional and psychological trauma may be faced by women, who choose to remain single or face delays in marriage as societal norms in this society place too much of pressure on women to get married by a certain age.
1. Social Stigma and Pressure
In conservative societies such as Kashmir, women who choose to remain single or whose marriage gets delayed due to certain reasons are sometimes stigmatized. Such women may be judged as “too choosy,” “unlucky,” or “crossed their youth,”. This affects their self-esteem negatively. Adding to their plight are the feelings of shame, embarrassment, and inadequacy caused by the constant questioning by their relatives and acquaintances about their marital status.
2. Loneliness and Isolation
Though marriage is not the only way to have a fulfilled and prosperous life, and in fact, marriage is usually a stressful endeavor most of the time, however, a person who has reached a marriageable age but is still single can feel emotionally lonely especially when friends and peers move on to married life. Single women who reach marriageable age find themselves lonelier as time passes as their friends and peers start to get married and become more involved in their own families as their priorities change naturally. This leaves such women feel isolated. This disconnection from family and friends can create emotional voids and affect their mental health adversely.
3. Fear of Future Uncertainty
Being an unmarried single woman in Kashmir is not only emotionally and socially challenging, it also affects their sense of financial stability and security. Unmarried women can feel financially insecure due to lack of a partner since marriage is still seen as a source of social and economic support especially for women as financial responsibilities are still considered to be the main domain of men. As such unmarried women become older, their anxiety becomes more pronounced, as they start worrying about who will care for them in later years, especially given the absence of well functioning and strong social welfare system in societies such as Kashmir.
4. Internalized Shame and Self-Doubt
Women who remain single, might feel a sense of shame as they may have to listen to a constant narrative that the main role of women is to get married and raise a family. This internalized shame might instill a sense of doubt in such women about their existence and meaning of life and they may start to believe they are somehow “incomplete” without a partner. This can lead to meaninglessness, depression, and even identity struggles.
5. Depression and Anxiety
Emotional disorders such as anxiety and depression can be a common occurrence among single women or those women whose marriage gets delayed due to certain reasons owing to social isolation, familial pressure, and personal insecurities. Feeling trapped between their personal aspirations and societal expectations, they may have poor emotional wellbeing.
6. Trans-generational trauma:
Women who marry in their mid thirties and beyond start to face a lot of other issues as well. They may have difficulty in getting pregnant and that can be one more reason for their emotional instability. If such women somehow manage to have a child, they may still face another challenge in the form of parenting and a generation gap of 30-40 years may be difficult to manage for such parents and it might give trauma to their next generation as such parents and their children may have difficulty in getting along with each other.
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