Numerous challenges can cause strain in somebody’s marriage. Among such challenges that can cause issues in a marital relationship, a mental health issue known as personality disorder can contribute significantly. Personality disorders are long-lasting patterns of thinking, feeling, and behaving that differ significantly from what is expected in a person’s society. These patterns can cause significant distress or impairment in a person’s individual life as well as their social relationships. Hence it is important to understand what these disorders are and how they can affect a person’s married life so that their impact is reduced through proper interventions in order to have healthier marital relationship. This article talks about different types of Personality Disorders and how each of them can affect a marital relationship and the various ways to deal with them.
Types of Personality Disorders
Personality disorders have been broadly categorized into three clusters:
Cluster A (Odd or Eccentric Disorders): Includes Paranoid, Schizoid, and Schizotypal Personality Disorders.
Cluster B (Dramatic, Emotional, or Erratic Disorders): Includes Antisocial, Borderline, Histrionic, and Narcissistic Personality Disorders.
Cluster C (Anxious or Fearful Disorders): Includes Avoidant, Dependent, and Obsessive-Compulsive Personality Disorders.
Marital relationship can get affected by each type of the above mentioned personality disorders, but each of them causes its own specific obstacles and disturbs the marital harmony. Let us now try to go in detail to understand how they can affect a marital relationship.
Communication Breakdown
A healthy marriage is highly dependent upon how effective the communication is between the two partners. This communication can get adversely affected by various types of Personality disorders that can lead to misunderstandings and conflicts. For example, a person with Paranoid Personality Disorder can be highly suspicious towards their partner and can misinterpret their benign remarks as hostile or critical. This suspicious behavior and misinterpretation can result in constant arguments that can lead to sense of mistrust between them.
Similarly, intense and unstable emotions experienced by those with Borderline Personality Disorder can lead to erratic and unpredictable communication. Such people may idealizing their partner one moment and devalue them the next, thus creating a turbulent and unbalanced relationship dynamic.
Emotional Dysregulation
Poor emotional regulation is a common finding among various personality disorders. Borderline Personality Disorder, for example, is characterized by the presence of rapid and intense mood swings, and hence partners of such individuals may find it challenging to navigate through the relationship. It is like walking on eggshells for them while being in a marital relationship with individuals with Borderline Personality Disorder, as the healthy partner tries to avoid triggering negative reactions.
Another personality disorder called Narcissistic Personality Disorder is characterized by a lack of empathy. Such people are in excessive need for praise and admiration. Lack of empathy and an excessive need for admiration can make it difficult for the narcissistic individual to recognize or validate their partner’s emotions. This can result in the feelings of neglect and emotional distance in the relationship.
Trust and Intimacy Issues
A healthy marriage is highly dependent upon the level of trust partners have for each other. This basic sense of trust can get badly impacted by the presence of Personality disorders in one or both partners in various ways. For example, a person affected by Antisocial Personality Disorder may breach the trust of their partner by showing deceitful or manipulative behaviors. The relationship can get severely impacted if a person with Antisocial Personality Disorder continues to show their disregard for the rights and feelings of others.
One more aspect that can affect a marital relationship and that needs to be mentioned here is the level of intimacy partners hold for each other. It has been seen that people with personality disorders can have Intimacy issues. For instance, individuals with Avoidant Personality Disorder may have difficulty in engaging in close relationships with their partner as they have a deep fear of rejection and criticism from their partner or from any person who wants to come close to them emotionally. This can create a significant emotional distance between partners, making it difficult to establish a deep and meaningful connection.
Control and Dependency
One more factor that can be detrimental to a marital relationship is an urge to have an extreme control or dependency on another person. For example, a person with Obsessive-Compulsive Personality Disorder may have a persistent urge for control and perfectionism. Such individuals may impose rigid standards and expectations on their partner, due to their tendency for perfectionism. This can lead to the buildup of frustration and resentment in their relationship.
On the other hand, individuals with Dependent Personality Disorder may show disproportionate dependence on their partner to fulfill their physical and emotional needs. It can result in the dependent partner being overly submissive and the other partner feeling overwhelmed by the responsibility, hence creating an imbalance in the relationship.
Conflict Resolution
It is important for maintaining a harmonious marriage that the conflicts that might arise from time to time are handled in a healthy way. However, this ability to handle and resolve conflicts constructively can get badly impaired by Personality disorders. For example, individuals with Histrionic Personality Disorder, with tendency for attention seeking and validation may show dramatic and exaggerated behaviors. This can lead to escalation of conflicts rather than resolving them.
Personality disorders that belong to cluster A, such as Schizoid Personality Disorder, may lead a person to withdraw from conflict and even from day to day affairs of the household completely as they prefer isolation over confrontation. This can cause long-term damage to the relationship as this approach can leave issues unresolved festering over time.
Impact on Parenting
Personality disorders do not affect only marital relationship, their effect can extend beyond that and can adversely affect parenting as well. Personality disorders can compromise patience, consistency, and emotional stability of parents and hence impair their parenting skills.
For instance, children of parents with Borderline Personality Disorder may feel confused and insecure as such parents may have difficulty in maintaining consistent boundaries and discipline while dealing with their children.
In addition, the stress that gets buildup while managing a partner’s personality disorder, can affect parenting, thus impacting the overall family dynamics. Children from such households may get caught in the crossfire of conflicts between their parents or may get exposed to erratic and unpredictable behaviors, which can have long lasting impact on their psychological wellbeing.
Seeking Help and Intervention
First step towards recovery and change is to accept and recognize the impact of personality disorders on marriage. In this regard, couples therapy can be beneficial as it can provide a safe space for partners to understand each other’s feelings and learn to communicate and resolve conflicts more effectively. It is equally important for one and/or both the partners to go for Individual therapy, as it can help to develop better coping mechanisms and emotional regulation strategies. In some cases, particularly if there are co-occurring conditions such as anxiety or depression, a person may require medication to handle the situation.
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