The Grim Reality Of Discrimination Against Daughters

A few months back, a school principal confided in me about her unintended pregnancy and subsequent decision to terminate it due to concerns about having a girl. With two sons already, the couple felt unequipped to handle the financial and social pressures associated with raising another child, particularly if it were a girl. The principal explained how societal expectations, particularly regarding dowries, made the prospect of raising a daughter seem daunting amidst rising education costs. 

“Given the high expenses of upbringing and dowry expectations, we felt unprepared for a third child, especially if it was a girl,” she told me.

Her concerns were validated when they learned that the aborted fetus was indeed female, and she expressed relief at having avoided the responsibility of raising a daughter.

A recent miscarriage experienced by a family member reinforced the concerns expressed by the principal. This was the fourth pregnancy for the expectant mother, following a previous unsuccessful one. Hoping for a male child this time, given she already had two daughters, the family faced disappointment when the pregnancy ended prematurely, resulting in the birth of a female child at eight months, leading to termination. 

In anticipation of finally having the long-awaited heir, the family devoted extra attention to the expectant mother’s well-being, ensuring she received optimal nutrition and care throughout the fourth pregnancy. During a routine ultrasound test, two female technicians whispered cryptic words that the mother interpreted as indicating the expected arrival of a male child.

Unfortunately, the mother encountered complications, with a Doppler test revealing “High resistance flow with severe diastolic notching in bilateral uterine arteries,” indicating inadequate blood flow and nourishment to the developing fetus. Additionally, the mother was experiencing extremely high blood pressure, exacerbated by a single loose loop of the umbilical cord around the fetal neck, further endangering the baby’s development.

As the mother’s blood pressure persisted, she was transported to Srinagar’s LD Hospital in an ambulance and placed under 24-hour surveillance. Concerned that they might lose the long-awaited male baby, the family rented accommodation near the hospital to facilitate a smoother resolution to the mother’s ordeal.

The timely intervention of LD doctors briefly stabilized the mother, administering concoctions containing up to 35 different chemicals in a single dose. Despite this, the family’s hopes remained, alongside the fragile fetus in the mother’s womb. However, the doctors emphasized the ongoing risk to both the mother and the fetus, indicating their readiness to make any necessary extraordinary decisions, including emergency cesarean section if required, to ensure their safety.

The critical moment arrived when the doctors abruptly notified the family that the mother required surgery due to the absence of fetal movement. Unfortunately, the father had departed for their village, leaving his brother to sign the necessary documents for the procedure, including granting consent for the surgery and authorizing the doctors to perform a ligation procedure to prevent future pregnancies, citing that the family had had enough.

The family gathered whatever resources they could and prepared for the surgery. After a few hours, they were informed to arrange clothing as the birth of a female baby was announced. An assistant in the operating theatre carried the baby, and the elder sister received her in the newly acquired clothing. She was instructed to take the baby to the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit (NICU) as she weighed just two kilograms, which was over a kilo less than required. Disheartened and dissatisfied with the newborn’s gender, the woman navigated through the hospital corridor, carrying the baby in her arms. I overheard her expressing, “What are we going to do with another female baby,” as she arrived at the neonatal intensive care unit.

She may have notified the baby’s father, but in his absence, his younger brother, summoned in response to the emergency, assumed all the responsibility for the situation.

Meanwhile, the mother was relocated to a room. Interestingly, her mammary glands failed to produce milk, possibly reflecting her own rejection of the female baby. I observed profound despair in her eyes, coupled with societal disapproval evident on her face due to the arrival of a girl child. I perceived her as a victim, particularly since her husband, who should have been providing comfort during this distressing time, opted to remain at home. None of her in-laws visited her.

The following day, her husband arrived and reluctantly engaged in the proceedings. His mood and demeanor indicated that he, too, was displeased by the arrival of a female child.

In the meantime, the infant’s condition continued to deteriorate with each passing moment, and eventually, after spending approximately three days in the NICU, the baby passed away. It’s uncertain whether the family felt any relief, but the way events unfolded in the following days, it was evident that some individuals were visibly relieved. The father hastily wrapped the deceased baby in clothing and quickly removed it from the scene, leaving behind a distraught mother. They laid the baby to rest in their family’s ancestral graveyard at their village. Following this, the father was not seen again at the hospital.

In the following days, the mother faced immense trauma as it was discovered that the doctors who performed the cesarean section had neglected to conduct the ligation procedure, leaving her vulnerable to further complications. After an additional three days in the hospital, she was eventually discharged. This moment brought about confusion for her as she grappled with mixed emotions, unsure whether to feel relieved at the conclusion of the arduous eight-month pregnancy, during which her blood pressure had reached dangerously high levels. 

Her husband was conspicuously absent at the time of her discharge. Shocked and bewildered, the mother was taken in by one of her close relatives, where she remained for a fortnight before being transferred to her mother’s home.

The narrative depicts an outdated mentality akin to medieval customs, where practices like infanticide or neglect of female infants due to cultural preferences for male offspring were prevalent. While female infanticide might have been less common in the Kashmiri society, discrimination against daughters persists in various forms. The joy experienced by the entire family upon the birth of a son is markedly higher than when a daughter is born. 

In the Indian context, the preference for sons over daughters, as shown by the first-ever global study on female infanticide conducted by the Asian Centre for Human Rights, is a major reason for the phenomenon worldwide. 

According to the United Nations Population Fund, 117 million girls are demographically “missing” due to sex-selective abortions. The study further highlights the contribution of the dowry system in South Asia, which renders daughters an unaffordable economic burden, to the prevalence of female infanticide. 

The bottom line is, the preference for a male child contradicts the very essence of Nature, where both males and females hold equal value in the process of procreation. Until we challenge and change this mindset, our claims to uphold moral values will continue to ring hollow, and our societies will fall short of achieving true equality and justice.

Views expressed in the article are the author’s own and do not necessarily represent the editorial stance of Kashmir Observer

• The author can be reached at [email protected]

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