By Ikkz Ikbal
Parenting has never been easy, but in the unique socio-cultural landscape of Kashmir, it has become an increasingly challenging endeavor. The role of parents today extends beyond providing for their children; they must navigate the delicate balance of preserving traditional values while adapting to the rapid changes brought by modernity. The pressures of economic instability, exposure to global influences, and the pervasive impact of technology make parenting in the valley more complex than ever before. Amid these challenges, a troubling communication gap is emerging, threatening the bond that once held Kashmiri families together. Why is this divide growing, and how can it be mended?
The Changing Dynamics of Parenting
Parenting in Kashmir has historically been characterized by a nurturing approach, with elders providing guidance through wisdom and traditions passed down through generations. However, the rapid evolution of societal norms and the influence of technology have disrupted this dynamic.
Parents today often struggle to strike a balance between traditional values and the demands of a modern lifestyle. Many are preoccupied with earning a livelihood in a challenging socio-economic environment, leaving less time and energy for meaningful interactions with their children. The cultural practice of joint families, which once provided a support system for parenting, is gradually fading, leaving parents with more responsibilities and less time to connect with their kids.
Moreover, some parents tend to impose their expectations on children without considering the changing realities. Academic excellence, career choices, and behavior are areas where children feel pressured, leading to resentment and withdrawal. While parents may see this as “guidance,” children often perceive it as control, deepening the communication gap.
Children and the Digital Revolution
On the other hand, children in Kashmir are growing up in a world vastly different from that of their parents. The rise of smartphones and social media has introduced them to ideas, cultures, and lifestyles far removed from traditional Kashmiri values. While these platforms offer opportunities for learning and expression, they also create distractions and barriers to real-world connections.
Children, engrossed in their digital lives, often fail to acknowledge the wisdom and experiences of their parents. They may see their parents as outdated or irrelevant, dismissing their advice and concerns. The digital world also exposes them to stress, anxiety, and peer pressure, which they might be reluctant to share with their parents, fearing judgment or misunderstanding.
Our children are vulnerable. They are unable to compete as normal.They like loneliness.
They are being challenged by society at every step they take.They can not face their problems properly. They do not have a good decision taking power.They feel anxious, depressed.
Where Are We Going Wrong?
The communication breakdown is not entirely the fault of one party. It is a shared failure, rooted in a lack of mutual understanding. Parents expect obedience, while children seek acceptance. Parents want to impart values, while children want their individuality respected. Unfortunately, both parties often fail to meet halfway.
In Kashmiri society, open dialogue about feelings and emotions is still stigmatized. Parents hesitate to discuss sensitive topics like mental health, relationships, or personal challenges, leaving children to navigate these issues alone. Similarly, children often hide their struggles, fearing criticism or disappointment. This silence creates an emotional distance that erodes trust and connection over time.
The Consequences of the Divide
The consequences of this communication gap are far-reaching. Children may feel isolated and misunderstood, leading to issues like low self-esteem, anxiety, or even rebellion. Parents, on the other hand, may experience frustration, disappointment, and a sense of failure in their roles. This growing disconnect can also weaken the cultural and moral foundations that Kashmiri society prides itself on.
When communication falters, families risk becoming fragmented. The warmth and unity that once defined Kashmiri households could give way to alienation and estrangement, threatening the very essence of the region’s cultural identity.
How Can We Bridge the Gap?
The solution lies in fostering mutual respect and understanding between parents and children. Both parties need to take responsibility for rebuilding the lost connection.
1. Embrace Open Dialogue:
Parents should create a safe space where children feel comfortable sharing their thoughts and emotions without fear of judgment. Similarly, children must learn to articulate their concerns respectfully and listen to their parents’ perspectives.
2. Balance Tradition and Modernity:
Parents need to recognize that times have changed, and their children face challenges they never encountered. By blending traditional values with modern insights, they can provide guidance that is both relevant and meaningful.
3. Limit Digital Distractions:
Both parents and children should set boundaries for technology use to prioritize family interactions. Engaging in shared activities, like meals or outings, can strengthen bonds and foster communication.
4. Educate on Emotional Intelligence:
Parents should educate themselves and their children on emotional intelligence, emphasizing empathy, active listening, and conflict resolution. Schools and community groups can also play a role by organizing workshops on family communication.
5. Lead by Example:
Children learn more from what parents do than what they say. By demonstrating patience, kindness, and open-mindedness, parents can set a powerful example for their children to follow.
A Call to Action
To the parents: Be friends with your children. Take serious attention and listen to their problems carefully and try to resolve them in the best way. They need your attention.
To the child: Know that your parents just know everything about you. Understand that your parents will always advise you for good. Share all of your concerns and problems directly with your parents. Society will ruin you. Parents will always have a solution.
The communication gap between parents and children is not an insurmountable problem. It requires a collective effort from families, schools, and the community to address this growing concern. By fostering a culture of openness and mutual respect, we can ensure that the bonds between generations remain strong and resilient.
In a society as rich and vibrant as Kashmir, the family is not just a unit; it is the cornerstone of identity and culture. Let us not allow this divide to erode the essence of who we are. Instead, let it be a wake-up call to reconnect, rebuild, and reinforce the relationships that truly matter. After all, isn’t a family united by understanding the real beauty of life in the valley?
- The author is a PG in Biotechnology and is Administrator at Maryam Memorial Institute Pandithpora. He tweets @IkkzIkbal
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