By Dr Aneesa Farooq
Marriage is frequently pictured as a holy and beautiful union, a ceremonial expression of love, collaboration, and the joining of two lives. Yet, beneath the surface of the glittering festivities and joyous celebrations, there lies a deeply emotional and transformative journey that every bride embarks on — a journey marked not only by the physical transition from her father’s home to her husband’s house, but also by the emotional, psychological, and, in many cases, spiritual upheaval that comes with it. This voyage is a pulchritudinous and heart-wrenching story of transformation, in which she leaves behind not only the comfort and closeness of her family, but also, in many cases, her dreams, desires and agonizingly, aspects of herself that may never be retrieved.
When a bride leaves her father’s house, it is more than just a movement to a new house; it is the end of a highly private chapter packed with beloved memories and the loving aura that created her identity. The house she once called home, its walls alive with the reflection of her laughing, her parents’ soothing words, and the sibling’s squabble, has transitioned from a lived reality to a recollection of memories, a place that, although remote, remains emotionally charged.
This departure represents the loss of not just physical space, but also the invaluable shelter and protection that her family has offered. It is sometimes stated that a daughter is her father’s pride, his little girl, no matter how many years pass. The father who once held her little hand and guarded her from the world’s uncertainties, now stands witness to her leaving, well aware that her life, and their link, will never be the same. He feels the silent anguish of seeing her embark on a new chapter where he can no longer be the supporter and protector that he always was.
The mother who has led her through life’s challenges, discreetly observes this transformation. She knows all too well the quiet sacrifices her daughter would be asked to make, having travelled the same route herself. Though frequently unspoken, a mother genuinely feels the silent resignation that comes with a daughter having to let go of her own aspirations, dreams that may fade into silence and never be expressed again.
Perhaps most profoundly, she says goodbye to her brother, her confidant and companion in both mischief and introspection, with whom she had moments of love, laughter, care and joy.
The bond that bloomed in childhood, fostered by whispered secrets and late-night talks/discussions, now meets the unavoidable snag of distance, as she goes on to a new family, a new world.
The symbolic weight of her departure weighs hard on her heart, as each corner of her childhood house has a piece of her story, loaded with meaning that must now be discarded.
چھوڑ آئے جو زندگی کے موڑ پر
اب بھی کھڑی ہے یادوں کی منزل وہیں
بچپن کے قصے، گھر کے کونے
سب یاد بن کر دل کو تھامے
As the bride takes one final glance back before entering her new life, she shoulders the weight of knowing that her connections — with her parents, brother, and the childhood home that moulded her — have irreversibly changed. Though her family will always be a source of comfort, she understands that they are no longer the core of her existence. That focus must now shift as she establishes a life in her husband’s house.
This delicate, melancholy moment, tinged with both optimism and grief, represents her silent acknowledgement of a world left behind as she moves forward to create another.
A bride’s journey is particularly extraordinary due of her modest strength. Despite inner turmoil, she pushes on with elegance, establishing a new life and home. Her sacrifice is more than just leaving her father’s house; it is also an emotional change, as she learns to balance the world she left behind and the one she now enters.
When a bride enters her husband’s house, she is received warmly, but there is an unspoken understanding that her new job requires flexibility and perseverance. She is no longer only a daughter, but now a wife, partner, and valuable member of a new family. Expectations, both explicit and implicit, surround her and influence her path in fundamental ways.
This new home, while promising, frequently seems strange. The rituals, habits, and family dynamics all force her to change, as she struggles with the emotional pull of abandoning her previous existence. She is experiencing inner turmoil as she attempts to reconcile her former self with the woman she is becoming.
Cultivating a sense of belonging in a previously unknown house takes time. She must balance the difficult challenge of forming ties with her new family and maintaining her own individuality. She frequently encounters invisible problems such as fulfilling expectations, fitting in, and showing her worth—struggles that are rarely obvious to the outer world. In this delicate balance, she gradually alters, balancing both love and expectations while maintaining the core of who she is.
Society, in its many manifestations – relatives, neighbours, and even her own parents — signals, either quietly or loudly, that her happiness comes second. She is praised for her patience, negotiating skills, and willingness to adjust. However, rather than praising her, this adulation frequently undermines her distinctiveness. The aspirations she once nourished, lively and full of promise, are now consigned to the background, perceived as remote and impracticable — as if dreaming for oneself were a privilege she no longer had.
The pressure to follow these silent, unwritten standards may be oppressive, leaving a bride feeling as if she must extinguish her own dreams and muffle her voice only to avoid judgement or condemnation. In doing so, she may be compelled to separate aspects of her identity, gradually losing sight of the person she once was, until her reflection in the mirror becomes strange.
This delicate balancing act, in which the self is sacrificed in shards, has the potential to destroy her sense of self-worth, leaving behind a woman who no longer recognises the lively individual she was.
- The author is Assistant Professor, Department of English, Kashmir College of Engineering and Technology, Ranbirgarh, Srinagar
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