New Age, Customs Aging Girls

By Midhat Soharwardy

Kashmir, known for its diverse culture, rich cuisine, and warm hospitality is also famous for its sumptuous weddings. The wazwan, a highlight of Kashmiri weddings, is a feast enjoyed by guests who traditionally sit in groups of four to share the meal. In the past, this culinary tradition was much simpler, making it affordable for every family in Kashmir. But, over-time, the complexity and extravagance of the wazwan has evolved because of the changing trends and cultural expectations. By virtue of these cultural expectations people have started spending a substantial sum on weddings making it difficult for middle-income groups to get their children married, especially girls.

There is a new ritual that has surfaced in the past few years in which the Baratis are greeted with welcome drinks served in elegant and usually customised boxes. These boxes contain 2-3 types of juices, dry fruit, sweets and what not. In addition to this the lavish tents and intricate decor contributes to the rising cultural expectations surrounding wedding celebrations.

“My family was planning to arrange my marriage to a distant relative. Meanwhile, my future sister-in-law, who is also a relative, planned to visit our home with her husband to meet me. My parents prepared a variety of traditional wazwan dishes and welcomed them warmly. However, a few days later, we learned that they were unhappy with how things had unfolded. They expected us to present them with welcome boxes, and their dissatisfaction led to disrespectful behavior towards my parents. Ultimately, they called off the arrangement altogether. This experience took a toll on my mental health and made me realize that, in Kashmir, weddings often seem to revolve around customs and expectations rather than genuine connections.” said Mehreen who hails from srinagar.

Recently, a survey was conducted by a non-profit organisation Tehreek e Fala-Ul-Muslimeen and they revealed that nearly 50,000 girls in Kashmir valley are on the cusp of crossing  the age limit of getting married because of the largely avoidable rituals. Out of these 50,000 girls more than 10,000 girls are from Srinagar itself.

Late marriages not only take a toll on the mental health of women but also their physical health. Research has indicated that there is a potential link between late marriages and increased risk of breast cancer. Women who have their first child at an older age may have a higher risk of breast cancer compared to those who have children at a younger age. Moreover, hormonal factors play a role as well, delayed childbirth often results in fewer pregnancies and extended exposure to estrogen, which can be a risk factor for breast cancer.

In Kashmir, there are many NGOs working to help young underprivileged girls get married. One of them is “we the helping hands foundation” which goes by the name @hhelping891 on instagram, is a non-government organisation that mainly focuses on marriage, it is led by Umer Wani a young activist.

“I started this NGO back in 2013. I was young and enthusiastic at that time, my main motive behind establishing this NGO was to help people. In 2015, I came across a survey that stated girls in Kashmir are becoming overaged for marriage due to the increasing customs and traditions. Instead of just talking about it we started working on ground but we were not able to create any impact. After a few months we came up with this idea of mass marriage and with the help of social media we were able to reach out to girls. We gave traction to discussions about unnecessary rituals and started promoting simple nikkah. So far, we’ve facilitated the marriage of 900 such poor girls. There are 15 people who are presently working in our NGO and we have around 500 volunteers working in different districts who help us maintain the data of unprivileged girls. In the coming month, we are planning a mass marriage ceremony for about 100 girls. These rising traditions are detrimental to the society, that is what we are fighting against and we hope we will be able to create a difference”, said Umer Wani.

Unless there is a wider campaign against costly and ostentatious marriages, the efforts of certain NGOs can only create a flicker of hope rather than a flame and desire to come to the rescue of our innocent but poor girls who are feeling the pain of entrapment where man made rituals gain precedence over securing their future.

• The author can be reached out for feedback at [email protected]

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