Have We Kashmiris Forgotten Kindness?

By Farhad Ahmad Pir 

There was a time when neighbors in Kashmir would visit each other’s homes early in the morning to inquire about one another’s well-being. Our first cup of tea was often shared within our own homes, but soon after, we would move on to our neighbors’ or relatives’ houses for more. The evenings had their own charm; we would stay up late, gathering in our neighbors’ homes, sharing stories, gossiping, and sipping tea brewed in the samovar. This sense of community kept us awake all night, united by shared happiness and sorrow. We couldn’t be content if a neighbor was in distress, and our hands were always ready to help. We exchanged goods and services freely, offering assistance without hesitation. Visitors to Kashmir often remarked on the warm, compassionate nature of its people, and students studying in other parts of India reported that locals there were always pleased to meet someone from Kashmir, eager to engage with us due to our reputation for hospitality.

Once upon a time, even if a person was not closely related, we wouldn’t let them leave without offering tea. If they declined, we would pull on their coat sleeves or Pheran so persistently that the stitches threatened to come undone, all to ensure they stayed for a cup. Serving a guest was a point of pride. Reflecting on those days, we remember the strong bonds of love and affection that tied our communities together. People would go to great lengths for one another, often forgoing their own meals if a neighbor was hungry. Help was always at hand, and no one could stand to see another person in trouble.

But today, this spirit of selflessness is fading. Our first responsibility should be to live generously with our fellow beings, especially our neighbors and loved ones. While it’s commendable that we extend kindness to strangers and tourists, our charity should begin at home. Unfortunately, this generous spirit is increasingly rare. A pitiless nature has replaced the kindness that once defined us, and we now encounter unkindness everywhere, from hospitals and banks to schools and other institutions. The harsh and intolerant behavior we face daily is disheartening, and it’s impossible to catalog every hurtful attitude we encounter.

To illustrate this decline in selflessness, consider the simple act of giving someone a lift. Today, it’s common for every wealthy family to own a car, often obtained through bank loans. Yet, many car owners see offering a lift as a burden. While it’s true that car owners have no obligation to offer rides, and some may fear giving a lift to strangers due to safety concerns, in Kashmir, we’ve taken this caution to an extreme, treating it almost like a religious ruling. We’ve flipped the law on its head, often giving lifts to strangers especially women while ignoring acquaintances or fellow villagers at bus stops.

Some car owners intentionally avoid giving lifts, perhaps out of pride or a lack of humility. Of course, not all car owners are the same. Sometimes there’s no room, or the driver is in a hurry. But more often than not, people consciously ignore those who wave for a lift. Offering a ride now seems like a trivial thing, but it’s a small, selfless service that reflects the broader decline in our cultural values. In contrast, I’ve visited places like Leh, Ladakh, where giving a lift is common practice, and people see it as a noble deed. The residents of Leh don’t distinguish between rich and poor when offering a ride and this simple act of kindness has left a lasting impression on me.

This experience made me realize that such selflessness was once more prevalent in Kashmir, but it is now becoming increasingly rare. Our culture is built on these acts of selflessness, and it’s our responsibility to prevent the erosion of this important cultural trait. This quality once distinguished us, earning us admiration wherever we went. It’s crucial that we revive this spirit of humility and self-service on a personal level. After all, culture is shaped and maintained by our actions, and it’s up to us to ensure that our actions reflect the ethos and values for which our culture is known.

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