Srinagar- Aisha (name changed) nervously adjusts the dupatta that covers her head, the once vibrant fabric now mirroring the dull ache in her heart. Across the sterile courtroom table sits Aqib (name changed), her soon-to-be-ex-husband. The air hangs heavy with unspoken accusations and a profound sense of loss. Their fairytale romance, celebrated in a extravaganza wedding ceremony back in 2020, is on the verge of a bitter ending. What went wrong for Aisha and Aqib? Perhaps the love simply faded over time, or maybe the initial spark couldn’t withstand the realities of adjusting to a joint family dynamic.
The truth is likely more complex, however, theirs isn’t an isolated story. Divorce cases in Kashmir are surging, echoing a society in flux.
This rise in families falling apart begs a multitude of questions. What are the forces driving this trend? Is it a sign of growing empowerment among women, or a breakdown of traditional family structures? Has modernity, with its emphasis on individualism and changing gender roles, chipped away at the values that once held marriages together? Are economic pressures playing a role? Or has the very definition of love and marriage undergone a shift in this rapidly changing world?
Advocate Abrar Hussain Shah, who practices law at the District court Srinagar told Kashmir Observer that the number of matrimonial litigations at the family court is on the rise.
Asserting that the modern era has its implications on marriages, Shah said, “It has been seen that misogynistic and misandrist attitudes cause problems among educated and working spouses. For a small issue, a wife resorts to filing a domestic violence case, while for a small issue, a husband hurls abuses and has suspicions, which causes more problems in the relationship.”
According to Shah, several factors contribute to rising divorce rates. These include difficulty for wives to adjust to their husband’s families, unrealistic expectations of nuclear families from the start of marriage, and interference from extended family members, all of which can widen the gap in a couple’s relationship and increase the likelihood of divorce.
“When relatives, Mohalla committees, and neighbors get involved, they may pursue their alleged vested interests rather than solving the problem.”
Additionally, Shah pointed to extramarital affairs as a significant factor that can erode trust between spouses.
Echoing his views, Haseena Akhtar, a lawyer who has handled many matrimonial cases at District Court Srinagar, said, “One of the major reasons for divorce is extramarital affairs. Couples are dissatisfied with each other and neglect their families, seeking their own interests at the expense of their relationships. They fail to recognize the distinction between their single life and married life. They pursue personal pleasures even at the cost of their children and family.”
Advocate and social activist, Mudasir Ahmad said that the life in Kashmir, particularly for married individuals, is getting complex in various ways.
“For the poor, marriage brings more responsibilities and financial burdens, making them unable to handle the associated pressures. There are cases when husbands may seem incompetent in managing expenses, while wives may demand more than necessary, which adds to the problems in a relationship,” Ahmad said.
Ahmad further said that youth often fail to grasp the gravity of marriage. “Their egos and inability to coexist contribute to problems. These issues culminate in marital problems and ultimately lead to divorce.”
“Over these years, we have seen divorces happening due to infertility. It has been seen that tolerance between couples has come down. Couples do not tolerate each other,” Shajina Shafi, another lawyer said.
A number of national and global studies back up her observation; a 2014 Danish study, for example, found that childless couples are up to three times more likely to divorce than those who have children.
Pertinently, according to the 2011 census, the divorce rate in Jammu and Kashmir stood at a mere 0.34 percent. However, in contemporary times, this landscape has dramatically changed with divorce cases becoming increasingly prevalent.
Speaking to Kashmir Observer, Mufti Nasirul Islam, grand mufti of Jammu & Kashmir said that divorce cases in the valley have risen by an estimated 30% since 2012.
“Earlier, we would see only five or six divorces a month, now the number has increased to ten and even if we initiate a reconciliation between couples that often fails,” Islam said.
“Due to the unabated access of the internet both men and women get into illicit relationships and extra marital affairs which disturbs the relationship between married couples which ultimately leads to a divorce.”
Mufti said that another factor contributing to rising divorce rates is drug abuse.
“Men, often unemployed, turn to drugs and become violent towards their partners, leading to divorce filings under domestic violence laws. This cycle is exacerbated by the lack of job opportunities, pushing even highly educated individuals into menial work and depression, causing financial strain and relationship breakdowns.”
Mufti also castigated the administration saying, “While the government claims to combat drug addiction, the proliferation of liquor shops contradicts this effort, both undermining family values.”
He asserted that it is the clergy’s responsibility to promote religion in a manner that addresses societal issues, yet many are preoccupied with spreading hate and sectarianism.
“There’s a concerning moral decline, with parents failing to address their children’s behavior. Some divorces stem from husbands’ complaints about wives not serving their in-laws. While religiously not obligatory, such acts should be considered on humanitarian grounds.”
A study carried out by Dr. Muzamil Jan & Asma Hyder, Assistant Professors at Institute of Home Science, Kashmir University published in International Journal of Academic Research and Development states that the continuous post marital stress and conflict repeatedly leads to separation between husband and wife, which continue for years and decades.
The reasons found for separation given by women in Kashmir were undesirable behavior by in-laws, misunderstanding between husband and wife, husband’s suspicion about his wife’s extra marital relations, physical assault of wife. Disagreement over roles and power relationships is the other most cited reason for divorce.
The study states that rejection by husband was the main reason for taking divorce among most of the women.
“Success in marriage is totally dependent on ability to make adjustments so, for that purpose both spouses are required to make all efforts in this direction to develop a good compatibility. Unnecessary interference by parents and in-laws should be avoided after marriage and couples should be given freedom and privacy in order to avoid divorce. For a successful marriage, both partners need to be psychologically mature and they should have a good understanding of each other before they get married,” the study reads.
Dr Farah Qayoom, Assistant Professor in Sociology at Kashmir University agreed that the divorce rates in Kashmir Society are rising at an alarming speed.
“Globally as societies shift toward modernization, the sustainability of marriages becomes difficult. There are many factors responsible for it. Women empowerment is one of the most important reasons for it. As people, especially women become independent, they are less likely to tolerate an unhappy marriage,” Qayoom said.
Qayoom also highlighted a significant shift in societal attitudes. “The stigma surrounding divorce has lessened, allowing couples to easily move out of an unhappy marriage.”
Many people believe that excessive internet and smartphone use are negatively affecting marriages. “Online activities can become addictive, leading to withdrawal from real-life interactions and a decline in intimacy,” Aasia Jan, a divorcee and a mother of two, said.
“Nowadays, our world has shrunk to the size of a phone screen. I know people who crave for their partners’ attention. In these times, couples don’t get to spend quality time with each other, and if they do they remain glued to their phones,” Aasia said, adding that while the internet and smartphones might not be destroying marriages on their own, they can definitely add strain if not managed effectively.
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