By S.Sarwar.Malik
People vary so do the reasons. Teenagers go for backside first-eyeing sporty faces and figures, coloured, in action; for recounting to humjholis, amid heroic draughts.
After casting tairana nazar on headlines govt. employees scan it thoroughly everyday, for news about transfers of colleagues/officers they love or hate …except on leisurely Sundays when squatted “bottom-spread” is preferred.
Those interested in politics, hastily go after press-releases designed by UT’s Information Department and with a sigh, miss those K-centric articles that recycled words, clichés, arguments, rebuttals and rejoinders-gone stale since. Then isn’t mausam ka haal and siyasat ki chaal the favourite topic of conversation of all.
Those with ‘religious’ bent of mind who followed religiously the bayanaat -e-qaideen hazraat and relished stories about mazloom qaum and satanic designs, heave many sighs & complain ‘ akhbar Lavinee akh ropai te az kal’
School kids and Government employees miss that four lettered word,that vanished from lexicons : “CALL” hartal ki aaj……
Those who haven’t found anything yesterday look for “Lost” advertisements -hoping luck will today come their way. Ponder why only notices about the lost birth/marks certificates are published; not so about character certificates; though lost & conveniently forgotten by majority, long back?
To strike acquaintance with unfamiliar faces or to renew ties-long snapped, the elderly and retired persons-who have very little to do besides baby-sitting, search for venue and timings of Rasm-e-Qul of any acquaintance now departed, wishing other myopic eyes should go blind before they locate his name in page 3 of local newspapers. Housewives in macro family-taunted for doen harfun hinz shinai, go for it to take attention off the jumble called married life. Those who find refuge from loneliness(- confronting them, after post-breakfast tata bye bye of kids & hubby,) in grand clearance sale pieces for six days, in local shopping marts ; sharpening skills on Sunday tetes with hubby, attempting crossword puzzle duel, when not carried by most papers here in kashmir.
Bosses and the neo-rich, pretending busy, find it handy for ignoring visitors or showing the door, while angry husbands use it to ward off any “advances” by the wife, after a tiff. Remember how excellent, fly swappers and handy fans newspapers prove.
In short, everyone finds it useful including the queer sorts who habitually use it as laxative, along with a fag, to facilitate bowel-clearance, every morning.
Beyond all these “compelling reasons”, there is a temptation the majority wants to yield to. That is having a newspaper FREE even when priced Rs. three or five. One sentence I frequently hear “Talhaz bo dimhas akh nazrah” is enough to shoot up my B.P.
God knows how majority of our Akhbaar-wallas manage to carry on in a place like Kashmir, where READERSHIP IS DISMALLY LOW and quantum of “darde-sar wa darde- jigar” astoundingly high; forcing the queer segment to be content with the ego- catapulting invitation cards issued for government functions….planned for projecting aks-e- parvaz like Press Releases, where even top officers of state information department (…..of course! Line department people too; hauled from their offices along with staff) try to impress the publicity-stricken administrators & Bureaucrats, by checking the mikes or rightly positioning the mouthpieces… even dusting ‘mahraz-e-kursi’, themselves; beaming glances towards bosses, as if pleading in silent words:
”khaal tum ithai peith heur…
khoje banne ha, khawaja,
shah banne haa …
kuchh to sila milay iss aalam-e- zardari ki
sardari main…
Jinaab Chonchan seit chamche te yaad thav,
in our deegcha something trav..
pichhle Eid ka nazrana te ristte leij yaad pav.”
“Columnist yaar, stop”…that is my Editor’s voice, dear reader, saying “new limit of 800-1000 words, yaad thav.”
So…,adieu.
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