In Search of ‘I’

By Hibban Showket

“One must imagine Sisyphus happy.” The myth of Sisyphus, the conundrum of the rolling ball, the mind’s eye looked deep into the concept of absurd and the sense of surrounding. It brings out an individual’s discordance of the existence and the steady battle for meaning and meaninglessness of life. Descartes asserted, “Cogito, ergo sum” (I think, therefore I am) to the existentialist conundrum. “I rebel, therefore I exist”, Camus would roll the ball deeper into and closer to nothingness rather than Sisyphus going up. 

With philosophers making it a part of their thinking, my name is Hibban and I was born in Kashmir and I would never be enough to write about “self” because the concept of self is a whole subject of contemplation. My name, my place misses Freud’s psychoanalytic, Jung’s archetypes and extra views on self. Whether our approach to understanding self is philosophical, psychological or personal, the essays on self would be adaptable, multifaceted and complex. If someone asks a human to pick me out in a room full of people, it is indeed vital for at least my name, my colour, my looks or my clothes to feature among the characteristics that person would need to identify a “self”, me. With regard to this precedent, self would simply mean what sets an individual apart from the rest. The physical aspects suffice the definition of self. What presented me as a unique entity among the rest of the people in the room could have been my 5’6’’ height, my brown race, my convex profiled nose, my narrow-waved hair or even my inverted trapezoid face shape, but my identification in this locale did not engender the need for inclusion of my conscious being. A change of the locale to embrace the thoughts, emotions, experiences, self-awareness into the identification of a self would contribute to the understanding of the complex nature of self.

Imagine that instead of a human being, some extraterrestrial being was to identify me in that room and their species lack the concept of physical attributes. “Self’’ would change its definition altogether. From this perspective, self is not an inherently independent entity. Rather, the formation of self is primarily a cause of external factors. Perhaps, at the moment, my fascination in lieu of my fear of some extraterrestrial trying to identify me would set me apart from the rest of the people in the room. It would make sense if the terrestrial puts “curious’ ‘ as my identifying emotion. “Myself” would now stem from my emotions but concurrently this should not mean that my physical attributes no longer encompass my identity but that “my self” is a coalescence of my personal identity, my ever changing thoughts, emotions, experiences, and conscious mind. 

All these characters stem fundamentally from knowledge and while talking about self, two cardinal types of knowledge must be understood. I and all other humans have tacit and direct or innate knowledge that shapes and defines our existence. Innate knowledge is genetically stored in us, the knowledge that a human used to identify me while tacit knowledge is learned, the knowledge that some extraterrestrial would use to identify me. One thing to consider here is that in both these situations, the meaning for self was derived from other beings and not from any internal cognitive model of myself. In both situations, I was letting my body and mind do what it had to. I did not shape my body in a particular way to be unique but when it comes to the basics of what shaped my mental make up to take fascination in extraterrestrial beings, then my role in defining myself would play a major role.

“Existence precedes essence” also assists the claim that self is a result of external factors. The choices and actions, and not only physical attributes form a unique Hibban Showket. With this external factor concept, it would be antithetical to look at self as a constant. 

Consider that there is some form of the extraterrestrial being that I would fear, this would change my fundamental identity and fear would be used for my identity. Now, this also brings a very cardinal question of human existence into debate. “Who then am I?” which has been a constant theme in every thinker’s life. One figures out who he/she is via experiences and thoughts. It is not a one-time thing, but a perpetual discovery. Every novel  experience adds to an individual’s story and construction of his identity.

Understanding “myself” is an odyssey with both clear and distorted parts. External aspects, like what I do and  achieve, mould one into a particular shape.  But there is also an internal domain — dreams and feelings that guide one. It is as though a dance between the outside world and inner self is taking place. External things, such as life events, push and pull one. But  internal compass, my feelings and dreams, keeps one true to him/her self. Searching for meaning in life is like a dance between an individual and the world. 

Each moment and experience contribute to who you are. This voyage is not about reaching a final destination; it is actually about always discovering new things regarding “you”. In this ongoing discovery, there is solace in not having all the answers.  The identity unfolds gradually, and that is okay.

Life’s twists and turns, both joyful and challenging, contribute to the ongoing narrative of You. In this eternal discovery, one comes to appreciate the beauty of welcoming contradictions within “self”.  As the odyssey of self-discovery persists, the narrative becomes a testament to the resilience of the human spirit in the face of life’s uncertainties in that it underscores the courage to confront uncertainties head-on, embracing them as integral components of the ongoing saga of self-discovery. 

Cultural and societal factors play a pivotal role in shaping an individual’s Identity as well, intertwining external expectations, norms, and values into the ongoing narrative of self-discovery. The concept of self is not an isolated one but, it is deeply embedded in the cultural fabric that surrounds an individual. Societal constructs, ranging from cultural traditions to prevailing norms, impose expectations that shape one’s sense of self. In Hibban Showket’s or anyone’s journey of self-discovery, external influences are evident — from the fear of extraterrestrial beings to the societal constructs defining acceptable emotions and behaviours.

“But no price is too high to pay for the privilege of owning yourself”, Nietzsche. 

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