By Wasim Kakroo
In the intricate web of parenting, the balance between correction and connection plays a pivotal role in shaping the emotional wellbeing of children. While correction is undeniably important for guiding children towards responsible behavior, it is the nurturing power of connection that often takes precedence in fostering emotional resilience, self-esteem, and a strong sense of security in children. In this article, we will explore the profound significance of connection in nurturing the emotional wellbeing of children and why it should be considered more important than correction.
Power of connection:
Connection is the emotional bridge that links parents or caregivers with children. It transcends mere communication; it is about making children feel understood, valued, and loved. Connection and Emotional Wellbeing
1. Building Trust and Security
Building trust and security is a fundamental aspect of nurturing a child’s emotional wellbeing. When children experience a deep and meaningful connection with their parents or caregivers, it sets the stage for them to feel safe and secure in their surroundings. This emotional safety becomes the sturdy foundation upon which children construct their self-esteem and develop the confidence to explore the world around them.
When parents prioritize connection over correction, they create an environment where children feel genuinely valued and heard. In such an atmosphere, children grow to have unwavering trust in their caregivers, knowing that their feelings and needs hold significance. This trust is not only essential for their immediate emotional comfort but also for their long-term development.
Conversely, an excessive focus on correction can have the adverse effect of eroding trust and security. It can make children feel as though they are under constant scrutiny, leading to a sense of being judged or criticized. This can be detrimental to their self-esteem, as they may start to doubt their worth and the reliability of the relationships around them.
2. Emotional Regulation
Emotional regulation is a critical aspect of a child’s emotional development, and connection plays an indispensable role in this process. When children share a deep emotional connection with their parents or caregivers, they acquire the essential skills to navigate and express their feelings in a healthy and constructive manner. This connection forms a secure foundation upon which children can build their emotional intelligence.
Parents who are emotionally attuned to their children are better equipped to help them identify and manage their emotions effectively. By being sensitive to their child’s emotional state, parents can provide guidance on how to express feelings and cope with challenging situations. This emotional attunement creates a supportive environment in which children feel safe to explore their emotions without fear of judgment.
3. Self-Esteem and Resilience
Self-esteem and resilience are two fundamental aspects of a child’s emotional development, and they are deeply intertwined with the quality of the connection they share with their parents or caregivers. When children experience a nurturing connection, it becomes a wellspring for their self-esteem. They feel not only loved but also valued for who they are, not just for their accomplishments. This affirmation becomes the cornerstone of a positive self-image.
In such an environment, children learn that they are not defined by their mistakes, but rather by their inherent worth as human beings. They understand that their parents’ love is unwavering, even when they stumble or falter. This knowledge empowers them to embrace challenges with confidence, knowing that failure does not diminish their worth.
On the contrary, when correction is prioritized over connection, children may start to equate their worth with their behavior. They may feel that love and approval are conditional upon their performance and adherence to rules. This mindset can lead to a constant fear of not measuring up, resulting in feelings of inadequacy and low self-esteem.
However, a strong connection acts as a buffer against the potentially detrimental effects of mistakes and failures. It reassures children that even when they make errors, they are still cherished and supported. This assurance enables them to bounce back from setbacks with resilience. They view failures as opportunities for growth rather than as threats to their self-worth.
4. Effective Communication
Effective communication is the lifeblood of healthy parent-child relationships. When a strong connection exists between parents and children, it forms the bedrock for open and meaningful conversations. Children who feel connected to their caregivers are not only more willing to share their thoughts and feelings but also more likely to do so honestly and without fear of judgment. This level of trust and vulnerability in communication fosters a deeper understanding of the child’s evolving needs, concerns, and desires.
In stark contrast, when correction becomes the sole focus, it can lead to one-sided communication characterized by parental commands and directives. In such scenarios, parents may miss crucial cues about their child’s emotional state, experiences, or concerns. This can sow seeds of frustration and resentment in children as they feel unheard and misunderstood. Over time, this one-sided communication can significantly hinder a child’s emotional development, impairing their ability to express themselves and cope with life’s challenges effectively.
In essence, the quality of communication within a parent-child relationship is intrinsically tied to the strength of the connection. A strong connection nurtures open dialogue, emotional understanding, and a harmonious environment for children to grow emotionally and thrive.
Prophet Muhammad’s (peace be upon him) as an example to understand principle of connection over correction:
Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) exemplified the principle of connection over correction, especially when dealing with children. His approach was rooted in compassion, empathy, and understanding. Here are some examples from Sahih Ahadith (authentic sayings and actions of the Prophet) that illustrate his way of nurturing strong connections with children:
1. Kindness to Children:
The Prophet Muhammad often displayed kindness and gentleness towards children. In Sahih Bukhari and Sahih Muslim, there is a well-known hadith where a companion named Anas ibn Malik reported that the Prophet said: “Make things easy and do not make them difficult, cheer the people up by conveying glad tidings to them and do not repulse (them).” Anas also mentioned that the Prophet used to pat the heads of children and make them feel loved and valued.
2. Respecting Their Feelings:
In Sahih Bukhari, there is a hadith narrated by Abu Huraira that illustrates the Prophet’s respect for children’s feelings. He said, “The Prophet kissed Al-Hasan bin Ali while Al-Aqra’ bin Habis at-Taimi was sitting beside him. Al-Aqra said, ‘I have ten children, and I have never kissed anyone of them.’ The Prophet cast a look at him and said, ‘Whoever is not merciful to others will not be treated mercifully.'”
3. Patience in Teaching:
In Sahih Bukhari and Sahih Muslim, it is reported that the Prophet Muhammad was patient and understanding when children made mistakes or did something wrong. He recognized that children are in the process of learning and growing. Anas ibn Malik said, “I served the Prophet for ten years, and he never said to me, ‘Uf’ (a minor harsh word denoting impatience) and never blamed me by saying, ‘Why did you do so or why didn’t you do so?'”
4. Engaging Children in Play:
The Prophet would engage in playful activities with children. In Sahih Bukhari and Sahih Muslim, there is a narration where the Prophet raced with Aisha, his wife, in a friendly competition. On another occasion, he allowed children to ride on his back during prayer.
5. Encouraging Education:
The Prophet emphasized the importance of education and knowledge, even for children. In Sahih Bukhari, he said, “Acquisition of knowledge is binding on all Muslims.” This encouragement to seek knowledge extended to children, emphasizing their intellectual development.
6. Teaching by Example:
Perhaps one of the most powerful ways in which the Prophet taught children was through his own actions and behavior. Children observed his character, honesty, and kindness, and they naturally emulated these qualities.
These Sahih Ahadith highlight Prophet Muhammad’s exemplary approach to connection over correction when dealing with children. His emphasis on kindness, patience, and respect laid the foundation for strong emotional bonds and a nurturing environment in which children could thrive and develop both spiritually and emotionally. His teachings continue to serve as a timeless guide for parents and caregivers in fostering healthy connections with children.
Practical Strategies for Prioritizing Connection
Now that we understand the importance of connection in nurturing the emotional wellbeing of children, let’s explore some practical strategies for parents and caregivers to prioritize connection over correction:
1. Active Listening
Actively listen to your child’s thoughts and feelings without judgment. Create a safe space for them to express themselves, even if their emotions are challenging.
2. Empathy and Validation
Show empathy and validate your child’s emotions, even if you don’t agree with their perspective. Let them know that their feelings are valid and that you understand how they are feeling.
3. Quality Time
Spend quality time with your child regularly. Engage in activities they enjoy, and make an effort to be fully present during these moments.
4. Use Positive Reinforcement
Reinforce positive behaviors with praise and encouragement. Highlight your child’s strengths and efforts rather than solely focusing on their mistakes.
5. Maintain Boundaries with Compassion
While correction is sometimes necessary, approach it with compassion and understanding. Explain why a certain behavior is unacceptable and offer guidance on how to improve.
6. Model Emotional Intelligence
Demonstrate healthy emotional regulation and problem-solving skills in your own life. Children often learn by observing their caregivers.
- The author is a licensed clinical psychologist (alumni of Govt. Medical College Srinagar) and works as a Child, Adolescent and Family therapist at Centre for Mental Health Services (CMHS) at Rambagh Srinagar. He can be reached at 8825067196
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