By Mushtaq Hurra
Emerging extravaganza in Kashmir marriages is exacerbating the plight of poor marriageable girls and their coerced parents. New trends in dowry, wazwan, wedding attires and other related rites have made the marriages very difficult to solemnize. Kashmiris are taking a lead in brazen showoff to win false public admiration and extolment. Marrying off a daughter sends shivers down the spine of their hapless father, because marriage of the daughter requires hefty amounts of money and material to perform.
The institution of marriage has become almost a nightmare for poor and lower-middle class families. With every passing day, we add toxic conventions and incomparably burdensome innovations to our weddings.
Size of Gushtaba and the number of cuisines served to invitees in a Kashmir marriage has become the benchmark of our living. Very recently, a harrowing video went viral on different social media platforms, where the traditional wazwan was served to invitees individually. Contrary to our cultural legacy and cherished customs, guests in the marriage were not served the great feast in big copper plates, but separately in small plates. The wazwan was not ladled out by wazas but by young men attired in three piece suits. Is this the inclusion of a new innovation to our social structure ?
Why is our affluent class oblivious to the impact of their rituals on our social fabric? Though wazwan is the crown of our unprecedented cultural identity, we have made it onerous and perturbing. The gluttony has probably ceased our ability to feel the pain of others. We have stooped to the lowest of low.
Luxury tent houses to accommodate guests have become an ugly reminder of poverty and lack of means of parents. Glamour and glory of our marriages is unfortunately attributed to the size and elegance of a tent house. Exorbitant rents of the tent houses break the backs of these impecunious parents who strive hard to earn their livelihoods. But, it has become more than an obligation for us.
A hapless father either takes loans or debts from money-lenders which they fail to reimburse throughout their lives. Consequently, hundreds have gone bankrupt or have committed suicide. The unnecessary splurge and squandering has ruined the lives of insolvent parents.
Sophisticatedly lavish and fancy dry-fruit boxes with multiple compartments to hold varieties of juices, dates, cashew nuts, pistachios, raisins, figs, kiwis and apricots, have tormented the poor parents of girls. Even copper-made trays with several chambers are hitting new highs in our markets. Meenakari and papier mache designs on these boxes and trays make them inordinately extortionate and expensive. An empty tray containing boxes with handmade designs, costs thousands of rupees. And the huge prices of dry fruits makes it a royal rite. How can a poor father bear all this sumptuous outlay? The showoff will neither win us the pleasure of Allah SWT nor the public adulation we intend to gain. It only spoils our here and hereafter. And we don’t let others live freely.
Demanding or expecting unwarranted gifts like golden ornaments, embroidered suits, precious sweets, and other things in the name of token of love, from a bride and her family, is the cruelest manifestation of matrimonial fascism exhibited by a groom and his parents. The fiendish dictates leave the bride-to-be and her father to bite their jaws and dagger their bosoms. Is it fair to loot a poor father who has already gifted you his kidney? Isn’t it against the basic tenets of humanity? How callous of you ! O Ashraful Makhlooqaat. Here, I am reminded of a Habeeb Jalib couplet : ( Yeh Desh Hai Anday Logu’n Ka, Aay Chand Yaha’n Na Nikla Kar ) O Moon, don’t flaunt here, the land belongs to sighted blinds.
The number of guests and invitees with barat, proves the last nail in the coffin. Even wazas forget the number of rams they slaughter in a marriage. Dozens of labourers are hired to pound the mutton for different wazwan delicacies. I am neither against serving wazwan to guests in a marriage nor to invite relatives and friends, but crossing the limits of moderation is somewhat irritating. A few years earlier, our government had introduced guest control law to minimize the number of invitees with a groom, but that official decree has become archaic. Sermons, advices, wisdom and fear of God makes no difference to souls with dead consciences. I, at times, suspect our human origin.
Our pretentious ways of performing marital rituals have begotten new miseries and troubles for destitute parents of girls. Birth of a girl child frowns the face of a father, given the ostentatious customs and conservatism etched to our wedlock ceremonies. Thousands of girls are exasperatedly looking at the thresholds of their homes, to have a glimpse of their grooms. Their hina has burnt down to our inappropriate social dictums. The virtual typhoon of profuse lavishness has destroyed their castles before they are constructed. Hundreds of wretched and woebegone parents are cursing their fates, because their beloved daughters have become obsolete to get married. Their aspirations and longings to see off daughters in marriage, have vanished into the thin air.
No angel or prophet will liberate us from the clutches of our own wicked social by-laws. We have entangled ourselves like those opportunistic birds who sit on noose traps to peck dazzling baits. We must break the shackles of our poor mindset to get rid of this unchained slavery. Lukh Kya Wanan is the biggest impediment in the path of our salvation and liberation. We shouldn’t pay any heed to public backlash for the initiation of a positive social change. We should revisit our ways of living. May Allah SWT guide us to the right path!
Views expressed in the article are the author’s own and do not necessarily represent the editorial stance of Kashmir Observer
- The Author is an Academician and a regular Columnist. He can be reached at [email protected]
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