By Arbeena Altaf Bhat
I pray Allahﷻ has forgiven all your sins, little and big, accepted all your good deeds and I pray He ﷻ has opened the wide doors of His Jannah for you. Years are passing and I miss you with each tick and tock of the clock. May be, the pain of losing loved ones never fades. It keeps visiting each day, each night, each season and each festive and it reminds us that in this Dunya we’re mere travellers.
Abba, you were to me a part that after having you severed, there is an emptiness, a deep void which never gets filled in. A mere thought of you not around is intimidating.
“A man in whose lap he cradled a huge peep of chickens. The man of virtues and discipline; beauty and simplicity.” Your aura is everything I wish for myself. You were a man of silence and those few words you would speak remain of utmost importance. Mamma always quotes you when she wants us to gain the courage to live this life. And I’m thanking you for accepting me the way I was. Mischievous and hopping around. I remember when one day I bumped scooter into the wall and mamma was mad at me, you saved my life. She used to fear a lot but you words took all the insecurities out of her.
You even knew how much I adored flowers. It was spring, perhaps the last one you lived with us. There were flowers all around and the red velvety roses were dangling from the fence. You called me and you said, “Come, I’ll show you something that’ll make your day”. When I saw the roses, I was elated but what made me happier was the happiness which shined on your face. You said,” Take pictures, they’re there for few days only.” I never knew you too were like them. Looking beautiful, vibrant but ephemeral.
Life is inevitable, we got to live it anyway but death is the only certainty I know. People have left this Dunya before you and even after you, I saw people leaving for heavenly but the morning you breathed everything out even that beautiful soul is nightmarish.
I feels like yesterday, you were talking to me about my health. Those simple things you used to talk about are sublime. I keep contemplating your everyday routine. It’s you who not by scolding but with your actions taught me the most beautiful lessons to live through this world.
Your day used to start at 2:30am. You would always look for jiya to keep alarm for you. Though anyone could do it for you but it was her you trusted in this matter. Ma’Shaa Allah, it was so beautiful to see you avoiding all risks in this regard. I would get jealous of her at times but at the same time you were the only person for her too and your bond was serene. She misses you terribly. I’ve never seen her cry the way she cried when you left worldly to meet your Ishq e Haqeeqi.
You would pray tahajjud and no one would see you till it’s time for fajr. I remember how you used to Knock on every door to wake them up for morning prayer. It’s inspirational, Ma’Shaa Allah to see you heartfully obedient to your Lord. So pure and aesthetic. After fajr, you would keep moving the beads of rosary and your lips, and with each beat of your heart keep chanting the names of Allahﷻ, make dua’as and meditate till sunrise. Your distance from people and closeness to Allahﷻ is something of prime meaning to me. Someday, I aspire to wake up with this trait ingrained in my skin and bones.
Everyday, you used to do your chores for the sake of your Creator; working and erning for your family, listening to your most favorite Shaykh, naats, Qura’an and amid busyness, you would always pray on time.
After Isha, that quality time of few hours with your family is the strongest of memories. I have everything guarded inside the suitcase caged in my chest. A few words, plenty silence and that calm smile would light up our conclave. Then you would sleep. Amid all this, a day came when you slept to never wake up. Abba, you left too early and with you my home is lost, I’m abandoned.
Nothing changed after you. Our hearts beat at the same pace. Boba keeps talking to you and I believe, “Soulmates never apart, in each other they reside for eternity.” She now keeps praying for you, and finally she added something to her signature Dua’as. Abu works harder to to meet the rising demands of livelihood. Sometimes, it gets tough for him to reachout like you but Allahﷻ is with Him, alhamdulillah. He’s a good human being. Mamma is following your advices, facing head on the challenges of life. She lost her father a month ago but her hopes are still high. She is the centerpiece of our strength and patience. Aagha is taking care of his family and they’re living happily. Didi and her family will soon shift in their new house in’Shaa Allah. A month after you, we welcomed Aani ji’s second son, Ahmed. Subhan Allah, all the little ones are growing well. Badi Khala is as usual busy with her family and so are her beautiful daughters, Ma’Shaa Allah. I wish Jiya gets nikkahfied sooner. I keep telling them but they keep sidelining my opinions. And, your relatives, who never visited you when you were longing for them, also come to home and keep saying good things about you. I hope they’ll understand that love and respect given to living is much more valuable than showering it on dead.
I keep dreaming about you, I see you leaving for Umrah, talking to Abu and Agha, attending congregational prayers, kissing my forehead, consoling me and much more. When I wake up, my eyes are already wet, my heart screaming but I hush myself, pray for you and strat away my day. Abba, not having you around is the scariest thing I’ve lived. I’m happy but. I’m happy you met you Lord, the ecstacy I long for. I’ll meet you, sooner or later, In’Shaa Allah. Alhamdulillah, Alhamdulillah for you to be my Grand. Till my homecoming, I’ll be writing to you. I’ll be piling up my submerged emotions and adjourning them for the day we meet. I’ll strain my every nerve to imbibe the values you taught me, seek Allah’s pleasure and forgiveness with each sunset and live, until certainty embraces me too.
Abba, words are not adequate for all things. I might’ve failed in writing to you. But, even if you’re not with me, I always feel you, in the soft subtle breezes, in the morning melodies of birds, in the ‘Adhaans’, Allahu’Akbar, in each “Prayer” Subhaan’Allah. You’re the person who taught us about togetherness and the power of sabr, how can you not live in each one of us?
May Allahﷻ raise your ranks among His most beloved servants. May your names be among the residents of Jannah.
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