..Life continues to flow and float at periphery, Ah!
New grooves and new dances are ahead.
The world for me is a place of egotism and selfishness. Peoples actions here are motivated by their selfish desires who always feather their own nest. It is impulse which makes them to love others and care for them. Who doesnt know that in this world almost everybody flatters, fondles with, obeys and tries to please the bread earner in the family! Everyone is at his beck and call. He is the most important person in the family, only because he satisfies the needs of the rest of the family. While as the good-for-nothing idle members are shown mere lip sympathy or formal regard and more often are disregarded and reproached for being a burden on the earning hands. The other side of the picture is this; if you can add to the pleasure of others in your company, they will celebrate and patronize your success and be part of it. If you happened to be fortunes favorite, they will gather and kiss you as if you are the nectar to their long searches for taste. You are counted as the most capable and benevolent. You become a family name and the beat of heart to them.
But all is not rosy and rapturous all time, when you start bewailing your poverty, sorrows and sufferings; why should others weep with you or why should they feel pangs over their pleasures in social life by confining themselves in your shoddy company? In their hearts they will say Go to hell, you idiot, you are not at their line rather unworthy before there stone hearts. They go on and keeping their own lives at their green meadows and salubrious, they are sadistic while their life is full of roses; they go on finding faults in your decisions and your approach to life. They never consider the faith or working of the God.
I remember my personal experience which follows the bed of grapples and deep pangs; a person once upon a time in life rejected me because of my poverty which God bestowed to me. Oh! Imran you know in which class you belong to, first look at your impecunious condition of your home and then talk and imagine these things. Indeed, my poverty, my life ruined me here poverty has no wings and miracles.
Since, the wound is so deep in my loathed and poor heart and mind that whenever I see and met a poor boy lonely at anyplace or anywhere, my eyes gets wet, heart fell in pangs and tears start to roll down on my face. Wait, hold on! It did not stop here, once a closest person had to choose between me and his job of Rs 3500 per month, he left me. But life as always was at war with me, I lost my grandparents at a time when I needed them most. My friends or I may call them sadistic friends, during my studies showed me stars, high hopes and some among them said let you complete your studies, you dont have to leave home for job again but when time came, they refused and molested their own promises, even a friend once said on the other side of phone: Who Tajamul is this? I remember when I was 13 years old, my father had to dish out his 15 days salary in order to buy me school-uniform. Now as Im owning good money, name and fame but I look at those days every day to remember where I came from.
I know once a friend wished to visit my home, back in 2009, I refused as I thought if he will know about my muddy and shoddy house, he will not talk with me anymore .Seven years down the line we both are best friends and I know if I would have given him a chance to visit me that time, we would have not made it to date as they say money matters. I may be wrong this time but this is what life has taught me.
Today in this struggling phase, I must thank everybody, whosoever rejected me because of my poverty or because of being me. If you all would have not rejected me and would have supported me in building my dreams I believe I would have lost myself. I may have surrendered myself to my desires and I swear there is nothing as good as living to fulfill your dreams.
I would like to tell everyone whom I love but who can never love me back, I am glad I fell in love with you. There isnt much to my life, but a mind and its thoughts, and a body and its flaws, and a heart with emotions which even I dont decipher most of the times. I fell in love with you and experienced life like it is supposed to be with a vulnerability of falling apart and with a certainty that nothing is in my control.
Alas! Well-wishers have turned fault-finders. Earlier you were flocked by them all, but now you are all by yourself under the vast sky. What more can be done? Finish this bewailing and listen to the words of wisdom uttered by a saint; dont go to others place to bewail your own sorrow. What is the use! Nobody will share them. So better weep in solitude.
Thanks for liberating me by breaking me.
Hum ne mana ki tagaful na karo gai lakin,
Khaq hojaye gai hum tum ko khabar hone tak.
Quoting Beloved Ghalib here has an important reason. Ghalib is my inspiration and have taught me what is it to live with a life of stark poverty. Tragedy after tragedy of losing ones progeny seven times, living off without a source of Income and still to be able to maintain sanity and sense of humor to enjoy ones present day.
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